I AM SO TIRED
The prompt today was to sit still for a few minutes, and notice the sensations from in my body from head to my toes. My neck is so stiff from stress. I am rolling my head in circles, and can hear my neck pop. I am also constantly adjusting my shoulders down, and rolling them forward and backward. On my to-do list is to find a massage therapist that is within my health insurance network. I feel I would benefit from getting a massage twice a month.
Folks in my personal life have been needing me to show up for them, and being responsible blows. I decided to not have children, or get married. Yet here I am saddled with responsibility I didn’t ask for. But the people I love are needing me, and I am fucking exhausted. I have been waking up at 5 am, and driving for 2 hours everyday. I work from home, and commuting vs. me has historically been a terrible relationship. People who are happy when they wake up in the morning are fucking animals, and I respect them for keeping our civilized society running (albeit by a thread). I am counting down the days until I go to Coachella, and go to Vegas. I wanna be in the sun, and feel like a hot and sexy baddie. I want to dance, and listen to my favorite artists perform. I want to fall in love with new artists. I love music, and it has always been very therapeutic for me.
Individually I am happy. I had a photoshoot, and liked how the images came out. Being creative has never come easily to me, and now I am exploring the creative part of my personality. I wanted coquettish Lolita vibes for my photoshoot, and feel like it the images came out accurately.
I am thinking about taking lessons about BDSM, but haven’t decided yet. I need to work out it has been awhile. I know working out makes me feel less stressed, and more in my body. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, and my body is telling me to rest so I am going to rest. I would really like to fuck but no one is exciting. I want to feel something. Dirty, nasty, wet, and pleasurable. I haven’t had a new body in awhile, and sex has always been sort of an escapism for me. I know it probably is not the best coping mechanism, but I love sex. I love getting to know other people. Sex for me is like a physically need such as eating and sleeping. I would rather fuck than sleep or eat. The act makes me feel so much better. I know I will have passionate sex soon, I just gotta be patient.
xx,