apply pressure
Prompt: What causes stress in your life? What steps have you taken to reduce or alleviate the cause?
Wow, 52 week Mental Health Journal is really pulling out the stops for me to reduce stress, and improve my wellbeing (this is a joke, but also a reference as it is in the title of the book). I don’t try to remember things, people, or situations that make me feel stressed. But…if I had to share what makes me feel stressed out it is disappointing the individuals who are important to me, and care about what they (and unfortunately other people) think. Maybe because I have struggled with not liking myself, or that I don’t deserve anyone, or anything good in my life. And maybe if I am good enough, or easy enough to hang out around then they would like me. Most of the time I am worried about everyone one around me, that I forget that I also exist in whatever environment I am in.
I have been with my partner for 3 almost 4 years, still ask him why he loves me, and why he stays with me. I am lucky to be with someone who is very patient, because I have historically stated numerous times is that I have been surprised I have not been in a relationship with someone super abusive, or manipulative. I crave approval from others, and the lengths I would go for approval used to be pretty bad. I cannot fathom why someone would like me because most of the time I don’t even like myself, or want to exist in a physical way.
Me writing these things are the most negative, and intrusive thoughts. I don’t always feel like a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything good in the world. Life is all about balance. I am glad with age that I am more grounded, and a better sense of reality. I am writing all the things that make me feel anxiety, stress, and discomfort because I feel like if I don’t address them nothing will ever change. Everything makes me stressed out, and uncomfortable so I might as well do things that prove beneficial.
Working out makes me feel better. Directly addressing situations, or feelings that make me feel uncomfortable do not instantly make me feel better, but I know from experience that eventually I will feel reflief.
Like when people share about the lengths they did to cheat on a long-term partner, I cannot understand how they do that. So much lying, and effort. Thinking about cheating makes me feel exhausted. I don’t know how people do it. I guess I better continue working out, and talking about shit that makes me feel uncomfortable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
xx,