write me a letter

The prompt for today is to write a letter to yourself from a friend, or family member.

I am not going to do this exercise because it makes me feel uncomfortable. My mom would refuse to give me hugs as a kid, and would lock herself in her bedroom when I would cry. When I turned 18 I moved out because she left me alone on thanksgiving. I just started speaking to her again recently maybe during covid, or prior to covid? She writes me letters, and I can never read them. I keep them though. The letters my mother writes me makes me feel uncomfortable. Reading the words feel foreign to me. I know I will be glad I kept the letters when she is no longer alive. I wish younger me could have read the letters she writes me now, or was able to take in the love. No matter how much I try to heal, and actualize that my mother loves me, and is proud of me it doesn’t really click, or make sense in my head. I don’t want to do this prompt because I have letters from my mother that I cannot bare to read.