watching one piece and writing this blog entry

Today’s prompt is: Who is somebody you haven’t spoken to you in awhile? What is preventing you from reaching out, and how can you move past that?

I will say formerly whenever I was uncomfortable I would completely avoid a situation, or conflict with a friend/loved one. However now I sort of have given no fucks, and directly say how I feel. I have had difficulty communicating what I want, feel, or need in the past to loved ones I have conflict with. I was terrified of loosing them, but in actuality it was about my discomfort. One of my best friends said that I should just tell people what I want. Even that is hilarous because I don’t know what I want most of the time. Contemplating, or formulating how to communicate what I want when addressing conflict directly helps me figure out what I want. I would say to make myself calmer that it does not matter who I am, or what I want as those things change.

The point is that if I miss someone, or haven’t spoken to someone in awhile I will reach out. I don’t have shame, or guilt because I want intimacy with my friends/loved ones. I have to take my ego, anxiety, and personal doubts out of it. Realizing this has been brutal, uncomfortable, and definitely not easy.

For the humans I love I don’t give a fuck about looking like an idiot. I don’t want to lose them and also understand that relationships are dynamic. They change, and if you really love someone you have to accept that they change/grow.

xoxo,