What activities make me happy?
going to pilates makes me happy. I like that I can lie down on the reformer, and not have severe eye contact with my instructor or other folks in class. I hate being perceived, eye contact freaks me out. When I walk in public I will purposely not look other people in the eye. I will focus on something close to them like a tree, bright colored sign, or other non-stationary object. Previously during sex I would not make eye contact with anyone because obvi I had a lot of casual sex. The void I was trying to fill from sex, experiences, food, music, shopping, etc. was in fact me seeking intimacy. Any vulnerability, or as I would describe as an uncomfortable feeling, caused me to flee. I am definitely a runner through and through. As I have had the privilege of aging, learning to be intimate, and uncomfortable with individuals I care about has become less anxiety provoking. Pilates has made my body sore, but during the exercise my body does not feel worn down. Low impact, that’s the phrase! As someone who struggles with mind body connection pilates has been LIFE CHANGING for me. Pilates combines breathing, exercise, and synchronicity between my body/brain that relaxes and exhausts me. I am a thoroughbred and need to be run down and exhausted. If anything I am relentless especially when it comes to pleasure and sex. Working out helps me relax and sleep better. I have a pilates membership, and try to go at least 2-3 times a week. Sometimes I will even do back to back sessions in a day. I have better balance, awareness of my body, and the most fit/attractive I have ever been. Ok so I have 2 more activities that make me happy, and this entry is already so long. The next two activities may short phrased bullet points instead of this nightmare brick I am producing now. I am not being paid to advertise pilates it has truly been life changing to me, especially as someone who was not active, and has terrible hand eye coordination. My body has never been so toned, and agile.
walking my dog - is my bestie, and is with me all the time. I find it hard to fall asleep unless he is near, and I hug him like a teddy bear.
sex - I feel like I am animal sometimes. I would rather have sex than sleep, or eat. I get embarrassed how having sex puts me in such a better mood. Whenever I feel irritated, have a shorter fuse, or like there is something missing I realize that it is because I have not gotten fucked properly, or have not felt a new body in sometime. I sometimes contemplate that if I was not on birth control, and other medications that impact your libido how horny I would be most of the time. OH NO I have been writing this blog, and forgot that I need to wash my makeup off my face, and to moisturize before going to bed. I feel I need to finish this entry before going to bed. What was I talking about? Oh yes sex is an activity that makes me happy, and I try to have sex often. wink wink