3 wishes
So I am trying to not ramble in my blog posts, and I bought 2 journaling books with prompts. One is titled, “52-Week Mental Health Journal - Guided Prompts and Self-Reflection to Reduce Stress and Improve Wellbeing,” by Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S, LCWS-C, MSSW. Fuck it if I am writing salacious details about my life on the internet in order to facilitate parasocial relationships I might as well go HAM. I also will make this doubly productive by writing about things I like or feel would benefit me overall as a human. I mean don’t worry I will add some spicy details here, or there. I also don’t know who I am writing to, besides screaming out into the void that is the internet. Anyways -
Prompt, “If I have a magical lamp that can grant me 3 wishes what would I wish for also if all my wishes were granted the next morning, how would I feel?”
I read this earlier in the day, and could only think of 1 wish which is sort of generic, but to end world hunger. I am a feeder through and through, and one of my love languages is gift giving. So there you go! Whenever, I go to someone’s house, a party I bring a nice little baked good, cheese, booze, or something fun for the kids and me to do together. I want to make sure that everyone has food, and water. Hopefully, water is included when I wished for the end of world hunger.
Second, wish is that from the ages of 0-27 (forever if someone is medically fragile, disabled, or developmentally delayed) they have a steady caregiver who loves them unconditionally, and they have all the resources they need to live a life of dignity. Maybe because I went to graduate school for the humanities, but I truly feel that if everyone had a steady caregiver throughout their childhood (until their prefrontal cortex was fully developed - hence age of 27 because male brains take a bit longer, no shade) who loved them unconditionally, they were not under the stressors of having their basic needs met - the world would be a “better place.” I know what it is like to feel like a burden, and witness your caregivers overwhelmed with what it takes, and perceived as what makes a “good parent.” Maybe that is why I was so parentified as a child, am a people pleaser, and try to anticipate everyone’s needs. SHOCKER I have mommy, and daddy issues. I know that my parents did the best they could, but still could not meet my needs. Bless them I probably freaked them out because I have always been a 40-year-old in my child body. Which is hilarious now because I seem to be becoming more irresponsible, and regressing. It’s all apart of “healing my inner child,” or whatever. When in actuality it is me sort of being a nihilist/hedonist coming to terms that you get nothing out of being a try hard, the world is literally ending, am a curvy woman with a absurdly wet ass pussy, and loves to suck dick. I might as well live my best life, and do all the things my mother, and ancestors could never do. I feel like I am actually doing great.
My final wish would to be able to have a superpower. I don’t know if it would be the ability to teleport, breath underwater, fly, or speak any language (including animals/plants) fluently.
If all my wishes were granted the next morning I feel I would be able to sleep better at night. Part of the reason I started this whole thing is to first, pay off my student loans, do all the things I have ever wanted, and to spoil the shit out of the people I love. I grew up extremely religious going to mass everyday (catholic), but also have a blended family that includes baptist, london missionary society, and judaism (reform/conservative/orthodox). My family is really diverse, and fragmented. Sometimes existing in my family is difficult, but gives me perspective on the things that really matter in life. Essentially, the quality time, memories, and relationships with the humans, and animal companions I love. Beyond that I only want to live a life of service. Mr. Rogers said, “Life is for service.” There have been times where I have negative money in my bank account, and will spend my cash to buy someone food, or water. Most people would say that is absurd, but the “treat your neighbor the way you would like to be treated” is really engrained in me. The golden also applies intimacy for me. When I am with someone I loose myself to the passion, and their body. I try to do things I like done to my body, such as biting an ear, spitting on someone’s asshole, or breathing/moaning while biting into their shoulder. Only recently have I been able to enjoy my own sexual pleasure, and being the main event. I love being a goddess worshipped having someone focused solely on my pleasure the way I serve my partners in bed.